Last week I listened to one of my favourite preachers as he shared a story about his shortcomings. He was nasty to his wife on the phone (in the heat of the moment) over some domestic issues. After all the drama, he still needed to travel to meet his wife where she was. Realising what he did was inexcusable and not acceptable, he apologised to her for yelling at her over the phone when he got there. What she said in reply got me; it almost brought tears to my eyes and she reminded me of my wife. She told him: “I know you are sorry, I know that’s not who you are!” Wow! That’s deep.
She acknowledged the difficulty he must have faced in the heat of the moment but reinforced he was not what he displayed. What a virtuous woman! I am really good at handling other people’s pressures but not my own. I am a mess at dealing with my own pressure. My wife has seen it all, yet still acknowledges I am a good man. Thank God for good wives.
Sometimes, it’s important to focus on who people really are than who they have become under stress. Doing that could help that person create a shift or self awareness. I’m sure my favourite preacher would think twice before screaming at his wife next time, whatever the reason or circumstance.
In the last decade, I have seen different changes in my personality, emotions and disposition to many things. What’s frightening is that most of these changes happened unconsciously, in a bid to respond to life’s pressures and challenges. The core of who I am has not changed but my reactions to things may have (it’s not an excuse but just a reality of life).
Just because of one ugly situation, don’t forget tons of great things someone has done for or shared with you. I encourage you to extend grace to others. That can make all the difference.