We all have an ideal definition or version of what a perfect day or life would look like. We plan and pray things turn out as we wish. Often than not, our daily routines are interrupted by unexpected or unplanned activities or events. One unexpected event can ruin the rest of the day or entire year, or even threaten to ruin the rest of one’s life.
I know two single ladies who were raped, one by armed robbers (and she got infected with an incurable disease) and the other abducted by a random guy who raped her all through the night. These are serious, unexpected events that could potentially ruin lives if not dealt with properly. Not all unexpected events have the same impact on lives but they all interrupt planned activities and may dent confidence. I asked one of the ladies a few questions about the ugly incident that happened.
Me: What was going through your mind when this was happening?
Lady: I was caught between is this a dream and if it’s not, how could this be happening to me?
Me: Is there anything you could have done to prevent the ugly event from happening?
Lady: Well, I could have screamed but I was in too much shock
Me: After the event, how did you see your future? Did you think you still had a chance to live a normal life?
Lady: I never believed that life could return to normal or even better, because the reality of being infected haunted me everyday
Me: How were you able to deal with the trauma and everything else caused by the event?
Lady: I found strength in the place of prayer. I said to God, this happened to me on my way from church, so you have to give me grace to first forgive myself and then forgive him and let go
Me: How long did it take you to fully heal from this unexpected event?
Lady: Some months
Me: Did the event have any effect on your confidence and self esteem? I know you to be a confident lady…
Lady: I was crushed internally, but I’d put on a happy face whenever people were around
Me: How did you build back your confidence without faking it?
Lady: Through prayer and just speaking to myself….somewhere I just kept saying God wanted me to learn something from the experience
Me: What was the life lesson from the event for you?
Lady: You don’t have 100% percent control over your life; anything can happen but in all, God is still God
Me: What advice can you give someone dealing with similar situation or an unexpected situation?
Lady: You can’t change what happened. Quit blaming yourself. You need to ask God for strength to forgive yourself and the other person. It’s very difficult but possible. Also, seek professional support if you can. It will help walk you through the process of healing and restoration.
I wish I could tell you life will unfold as you plan or expect it to but the reality is, it will not. Life will unfold with expected and unexpected events. How you deal with all the ‘unexpecteds’ in life will determine whether you will enjoy or endure life.
These are few tips to help deal with the unexpected:
1. You cannot change what has happened but you can change how you react to it. Not all ‘unexpecteds’ are bad. Some are highlighters to show you what needs your attention.
2. Be still. Take a moment and think through your proposed reaction. Sometimes, not doing anything may be the best reaction!
3. Don’t look for a quick fix to get rid of the pain or discomfort. Quick fixes increase damage
4. Don’t bottle up what happened to you. Speak to someone who can offer support or seek professional counsel. Having the right information to deal with the situation is key.
Dealing With The Unexpected February 7th, 2016Wole Sosanya
Tagged: Unexpected
