You don’t always get what you ask for, but you never get what you don’t ask for…unless it’s contagious! ~ Franklyn Broude

Jack Canfield shared a simple yet insightful story of how early in his marriage he was irritated that he was the only one who carried the grocery bags on their vacation cottage’s long flight of stairs. When he finally voiced his discontent at a marriage enrichment seminar, his wife said, “Wow, I had no idea you were unhappy with the arrangement. Why didn’t you say something? I would have been glad to help you carry in the bags. All you had to do was ask.” What a simple but liberating statement – “All you had to do was ask!” 

For someone reading this post, all you may need to do, is just ask. There are so many factors that may have discouraged or conditioned us not to ask questions, clarifications or for help. If you live in Britain, you are programmed to be polite, nice and not bother anyone for any reason.  Asking may be misinterpreted as aggression. You don’t query or question – you just go with the flow. Confucius, the Chinese poet once observed, “He who asks a question is a fool for a minute; he who does not ask is a fool for life.”

Contrary to common belief, asking is an act of intelligence. It takes sheer courage and intelligence to ask about what you don’t know. And from my own observation, many who answer questions don’t consider the other person in any way less. I would like to highlight few myths about asking that may have limited people from asking.

• Asking will make you vulnerable, appear less and needy

• Asking will make you look stupid

• You may be humiliated if you ask

• You may be judged for not knowing

• Asking is a sign of weakness. Asking implies need, need implies weakness, and weakness implies that you are not a man. Therefore, if I ask, I am not a man. (Barbara De Angelis)

• Asking will make you indebted to the other person; obligation of receiving. 

It’s important to know that none of the above is true. They are all myths we considered true over time.  Rather, asking reflects your bravery and communicates that you are secure in yourself. Believe it or not, “Asking improves your chances of receiving by 200 percent”

Asking the Right Questions

It’s not enough to just ask questions, we need to ask the right questions to truly benefit from the art of asking. It’s a great skill I will recommend you develop. That’s what coaches do; they help you to solve your problem yourself by asking you the right questions that will draw from your inner depth. Our minds are wells of latent knowledge; you may not benefit from them until you draw deep. Many of us are content with superficial questions. But deep down, there are troubling issues to deal with that require total honesty and boldness.

One of the best persons you can ask honest and right questions is yourself. I believe that’s the starting point. Don’t be afraid to ask yourself brutal and honest questions.