Counting down to a decade in this great life school, I want to share a few thoughts you may not know until you enrol in this school of marriage. These are things you will learn on the job and work out for yourself. There is no “one size fits all” in this instance, I’m afraid.
1. The Marriage starts after the wedding.
We spend all the time, resources and energy planning the wedding, neglecting the real deal: the marriage. Some marriages failed from day one because of neglect and planning. You have given all to the wedding, snd have nothing left for the marriage. Marriage is a long process of adjustments, sacrifices, and compromises.
2. Marriage will not complete you.
If that’s your reason for getting married, you will be so disappointed. Marriage is not designed to complete you but to compliment you as a person. You need to develop a healthy ‘you’ to have a healthy relationship.
3. No matter how sweet your partner is, expect changes.
This may not be intentional or designed to hurt you, but circumstances, responsibilities and pressure will force changes in their life. You need to learn how to respond to changes positively.
4. Ready or not, your boat will be rocked.
Your marriage will experience different seasons in your life time. Never judge your marriage based on just a season and decide to quit. Each season will either make your marriage stronger or weaker.
5. A beautiful face is not an ingredient for a successful marriage.
I know you have to be physically attracted to each other, but don’t make it the only reason for walking down the aisle. There are beautiful and handsome pigs out there. Watch out for character, core values and temperament. I would rather marry an ‘ugly’ virtuous woman. By the way, my wife is beautiful – inside and out!
6. You will fall out of “love”.
I’m sorry to burst your bubble, you will fall out of love no matter how deeply in love you are. The flame and passion will go down when life begins to happen. There will always be need to rekindle your love and reassess your commitment. Love become more practical than just a word or feelings.
7. Your marriage is not immune to temptation.
Your spouse faces temptation everyday. There is a need to establish boundaries together and pray for each other.
8. Children can be a tension point.
Children, like other blessings in life can be blessings or a tension point in relationships. Learn to talk through how you want to manage your affairs.
9. The initial attraction will cool off in marriage.
I sincerely don’t understand how that works but it is the truth.
10. Marriage will not make you happy.
I wish I could tell you otherwise. If you are not happy before you get married, don’t expect your spouse to make you happy. It is not their job. It is your job! Your happiness depends on you and you alone.
11. There is no universal method or rule to make your marriage work.
You need to work yours out with all diligence. What works for my marriage may not work for yours.
12. There is no perfect marriage! Don’t ever be fooled. You can have a healthy marriage.
